This quote was so ceremoniously said at a graduation I attended this weekend. “Don’t focus” was essentially the theme of the speech. “Be open,” he told us. “Be ready for anything.”
I came home from this illustrious graduation to nanny my 11 year old little friend again. I got to go to her school and see her classroom which is plastered with the words, “One Step at a Time” and “Good Students Pay Attention” and “Find your goal and stick to it.” At lunchtime, kids were lined up at the nurse’s office to take their medications. Uppers, downers, Adderall, Ritalin, anti-anxiety medications galore don the nurse’s office cabinets. Then, when my friend goes home, she is berated with homework.
What is wrong with our society?
From kindergarten on, we are taught that focus is what we need to succeed. We are taught that if we pick a goal and stick to it, we will succeed. The children who get side-tracked? Medicated and punished until they conform while the children who have positive goals and stick to them no matter what are embraced and praised. These kids are sent to school for 7 hours a day to focus on what is going on in the classroom, and then the torture is continued when they get home. FOCUS, is the primary lesson. But focusing on a goal as you get older does not bring the joy promised in elementary school classrooms. No, the more pressure that is applied to a focused goal, the more disappointment we stand to lose. The more focus put on a singular goal, the less options are left if that goal is not accomplished.
As I looked out into the crowd while the speaker was stating these eloquent words, I saw a lot of variety. I saw students who dropped out of that particular program, but remained to support their friends on completing their goal. I saw graduates who have not gotten jobs quite yet, anxiously waiting to see where life would take them next. I saw college dropouts, I saw alumni, I saw veterans, I saw families. What I mostly saw? Awe. Most of the people at that graduation (from a REALLY fancy college… REALLY prestigious… trust me) had no idea that they would end up watching their loved one graduate from such a wonderful place. They ended up where they were supposed to be. They kept their minds and hearts open. They were happy where they ended up, in that moment at least.
I had a friend in college who dreamed of working in the Criminal Justice system. She studied her butt off, learned Spanish and Philosophy in her spare time, etc. She considered law school, yet the burden of college debt was too great for her to bear. She changed directions for a bit, and ended up working for what was supposed to be a temporary basis at a Real Estate company. Now, that friend is the assistant to the President of the company. She has worked her way up the ladder from being a temporary receptionist and she loves where she has ended up. She is set up quite nicely in a well-established company. She never thought she’d be there, but she is happy where she is at.
Focus is wonderful. Having an idea of where you’d like to end up in life is a fantastic thing. Having too much focus on that goal however can be horribly crippling. The graduation speaker was correct. Be open to the possibility of change. Be open to the unexpected. If you close yourself off to other options, other possibilities, other opportunities… you may end up missing out on something amazing or worse: you may end up disappointed.