I have blogged previously about my concerns regarding my “young” appearance. Stylistically speaking, I spend a lot of time and a small fortune of money to juxtapose my “baby face” with professional attire. After all, we are supposed to dress for the job we want, not the job we have… right?
Another thing I cannot fix with a few hours at Kohls and a couple of blazers bought on sale is my femininity. Nor would I want to, if such a simple fix existed. I enjoy being a woman, I love my silhouette, shoe shopping has a special place in my heart, and I own almost every shade of Revlon’s ColorBurst balm stain. I am cool with who I am. It is, in fact, 2015, and women have spent a lot of time to get to this generation of females who are “cool with being women” not just at home, but in the workplace.
Admittedly, where this particular piece is going is partially my fault. I work in one of the oldest institutions in the world, the Catholic Church. While society around us changes in a flash of lightening, the Church moves forward at a glacier’s pace: scared of change and resistant to breaking tradition. The role of young people and of women in the Church is slightly limiting. But I never had the drive to become a pastor or a bishop. No, I simply wanted to make a difference in my community by using my love of technology and media. The limiting role of young women would not apply to me. How could it?
Did you know that Studies show that women are infinitely less likely to negotiate their salary than men are? Women feel lucky to have a job whereas men feel as if the establishment is lucky to have them. Therefore, in being hired for a new position, I was a part of that statistic: I did not push. I was told my salary, was told my benefits, and was told I had gotten the job.
I took it.
But still, something was off. At first, I thought it was my age. Maybe everyone was treating me weird because I was younger than everyone else on staff. Then I though it was my whole being a woman in a male dominated entity: the Church.
This mornings Gospel put everything into perspective.
According to Mark, Jesus once felt like I did this past week. The people he had grown up with in his community couldn't believe he was performing such acts of charity and miracles. His disciples, his mother, and occasionally Jesus himself had to tell them who he was. He was no longer the carefree child that had played with their children. He had become a man. He was fulfilling prophecy. He was the Son of God. He asked them to believe that he was who he said he was. He asked them to be patient with what he needed to do here on Earth.
Obviously I am not Jesus. My only miracles are pulling off red lipstick and making flawless Excel spreadsheets. I am no longer the kid that grew up in my parish, and some people have adapted to that. Others however, I need to ask and not EXPECT them to look at who I have become as opposed to the child I once was. Instead of blaming my femininity or my age on my issues with coworkers, maybe the issue is my own. Perhaps I just haven't asked for their faith yet. Perhaps that is all it'll take.
You can’t get in life what you don’t ask for. You can’t expect to receive what you think you deserve without showing proof of your worth or signs of good faith. I feel as if the past three years of my work in the Church, as well as my outside work experiences has prepared me for what comes next. And that is this: I need to ask for what I want and be prepared to prove myself.
**But first, I am going on a Mission Trip to build homes in Appalachia. So I will let you all know how this goes when I return! Pray for the teens, young adults, and adult leaders as we spend a week helping others! (But more on that for another blog!)**