I'll give you a minute to let the stupidity of that sink in.
Who, in their right mind, would urge the person they love the most to join the most dangerous job field in the world?
Ok, I can consciously say all of that. However, that person's accusation has stuck with me. Had I subconsciously, for some reason, pushed my soldier to his career?
This is right around the time I need a vocabulary lesson.
Manipulation: to handle or control, to influence in a skillful manner.
Had I controlled my best friend into the dream he has had for his entire life? Obviously not. Had I "skillfully influenced" him into following his dreams? How could I?! He was already heading that way. He already had his dreams. He was ready to start living them.
So what had I done?
Encouragement: the action of giving someone support, confidence, or hope.
Did I create my soldier's dreams for him? Absolutely not. He had those dreams long before I met him. Did I support him in getting there? Did I try to instill in him the confidence that he could do it? Hell yes. That is what a relationship is for. Relationships are about giving the person you love the confidence to do whatever it is they set their mind to.
Unfortunately for me, this vocabulary lesson is all wonderful... when I can remember it. Accusing someone of "manipulation" cuts deeply. At least once per day, I ask my soldier for something and wonder, "Is this manipulation? Am I pushing too hard? Were they right?" Unfortunately, this person's accusation is still in my head, regardless of my fancy vocabulary lessons. So really, at the end of the day, the accuser is the manipulator. Did this person encourage me to think of myself differently? No. They skillfully influenced my thoughts. Here in all of this, what I needed to worry about more was what was influencing ME instead of how I was influencing my significant other.
These are some tricky assholes I'm dealing with.