And by "finally" I mean it took me about a week to find and then purchase aforementioned vehicle.
Also, for those interested, her name is Betty and she is a 2015 Ford Escape.
Things I did NOT know about buying a new car:
1) When you don't pay for the car outright and you finance it... you do NOT receive the title for it! The BANK has the title and you just pay them to use it until you've paid it off.
2) Interest is INTERESTING. They're all, "You pay 8% but we are giving you a great price!" but after that 8% you've practically paid the price of a brand new car without interest so WHAT IS EVEN THE POINT?!
3) Dealers are sometimes sneaky bastards. Trust your gut on who is NOT being a sneaky bastard.
4) Having a new, safe, car is majestic as hell.
BETTY AND BRITTNEY 4EVAAAAA.